Life in Neutral

So, here I am a 48 year old single mother of grown and successful children. That is definitely an accomplishment for sure. They are moving forward, creating futures, planning and developing into wonderful adults. So, what the hell is going on with my life. Just when I thought that my life my just be going smoothly along I am laid off from my job. It's been 5 months since that devastating day. Hundreds of applications filled out and resumes emailed later, only 4 interviews. Less than 1 a month.

I contemplate my future daily. What will become of me and the millions of others in the same situation? How long will this go on? Is it me, is it something I said, is someone giving me a bad reference? Am I too fat, do I smell funny, do I answer wrong, is my breath rank, my clothes out of style, my resume out of date, not enough education, wrong skills, too many skills...??? Over and over these things run through my mind. What the hell is going on? I contemplate how much I could get for all of my belongings, what will fit in my car, what family member could I live with, how long will unemployment checks continue, what if I can't even get a minimum wage job...and so on,and so on.

I will be checking out cooking schools and massage schools next week. More IOU's for the future if I decide to do. And again, the thoughts run through my mind...what if I can't get a loan, what if I get in where should I live, full time or part time classes, will I be able to get a job right out of school, will I make enough money when I get out?

What the hell, I don't know and don't know what to do. I am lost and unemployed. Alone and jobless.

Ready, Set.....She's getting ready to BLOW!

Well, the nine months of "prego Brenna" are coming to close soon. It has been the most amazing time as a mother, watching my daughter experience the joy of pregnancy. Her transformation to soon to be parent has been a wondrous thing. She's gone through all the phases of a first time mommy to be:

Stage 1: OMG what did I get myself into?
Stage 2: My boobs, my butt, my belly...WHAT'S HAPPENING???
Stage 3: What was that? I think I felt something.
Stage 4: This is friggin awesome! Bonding, baby showers, baby room...
Stage 5: So, will my v-jay-jay ever be the same?

In this final stage she has become like a child again, asking question after question. What will it feel like? Does it hurt? When will I know it's time? How long does it last? I assure her that it will be the most amazing moment in her life. The day the earth stands still. Touch, smell, taste and sight are heightened beyond your imagination. It is the greatest High that can be experienced. Very soon... She will know. She will understand.

I am truly blessed to be the mother of someone so dear. Brenna is loving, caring, funny ... and on, and on, and on. She will use her finely tuned skills to be a great mother. She will be Brenna. Listening to her daughter, letting her grow, being there for her along the way...side-by-side.

Okay, so now I am gonna be a Grandma

Wow! What the hell is going on here? I'm too young to have the "Grandmother" title in front of my name! I still feel like I'm 20 something. But, you know what? It's definitely a title that I will cherish. Can't tell you how friggin' excited I am to be a grannie! My little gran'baby (Grace..hope she's a girl or they will be putting away a bunch of femmie stuff for the next try) will be spoiled so rotten she will stink to high heaven. I LOVE IT!

Planning the shower is quite the experience. Keep me away from all baby stuff cuz I'm gonna go broke! I see, I want, I buy! STOP ME, PLEASE! Little girl babies have way too many cute and chic items available for purchase. It's just not right. I am excited to get the activities rollin' this weekend. Brenna and Luke are going to need a moving van to take their baby stuff home. I will post pics when all is said and done.

Gran'ma Korky will be an "empty nester" in a year. Uncle Brentman is in his final year of high school. He is very worried that I will be lost without him...Parties at my house every weekend starting August 15th, 2009!!! Shhh, don't tell him. And of course I hope that I am the babysitter of choice. My lil gran'baby can keep me busy anytime.

So, what do you think my chances are now of getting a date? Let me know...